What are you in the morning time?
Trying on the voice of the schoolgirl
What am i in the morning time?
Meatball that got left in the oven too long. Got a piece of onion hanging out my eye and egg yolk on my bum
Or half-digested meat ball that went down the wrong hole. Someone’s thrown me up and in the light of day i grow a pair of eyes against my will—i remember this place—do i? Yes. So i roll around to re-absorb as much gravy as i can until i can walk again
Then i have my first sip of coffee. The clouds of pasta water start to lift and i am approaching being a human or at least noodle. Or questioning cupcake?
It would take something like yoga to turn me into a fine fresh vegetable. I always wake up AT LEAST 60% carbohydrate. The only thing which speaks to me in the morning are fancy pyrotechnics like lighting the gas stove with a match—and smells. Smells make sense to me in the morning. So if you ask me how I am in the mornign I would be better off to inhale deeply than look inside my brain for the answer
And if I do smell deeply looking for the answer I will probably come back with something sensible like I’m not sure yet, ask me later. In other words do not ask me how I am in the morning. Ask me what I am though, and then maybe you’ll get me talking…
But otherwise it’s a ridiculous time to ask me this question—how did you sleep? It’s better but it’s still horrible. How should I know? It’s only people who don’t sleep very well who ask this question. They have been up for hours because their language hasn’t stopped—but not me. My language goes far away and it takes a while coming back to me... I’m practically pre-lingual in the morning so the idea that you might ask me how I am maybe 5 maybe 10 (?) minutes after waking up and I trying to dodge the question will mutter something like mmm fine but after hearing myself—no not even *feeling myself say this will scowl and look up at this huge ugly banner I’ve hoisted above my head—FINE. Fine? This is no adjective to bless my self with at the beginning of the day and i’ll probably hate you for making me say it…
This is why I like to read quietly first thing in the morning.
It’s the best way I know to start the day.
Few morning heroes to mention now:
- . She is very well-versed in the art of the morning (making the transition between sleeping and morning sing softly). She knows well how to handle my morning. I couldn’t say what she does exactly because it’s always the morning but I know she goes to the market to collect eggs or bread in the morning even though she lives in Berlin.
- is also expert at mornings. Although sometimes I know he can be too much of an expert of the morning if you know what I mean… (he doesn’t leave the house till afternoon.)
@my mom. She definitely has one of the morning secrets. Whenever I come down in time for her morning (which is very early) she’s always in the same position on the sofa with a cup of coffee and/or one of the pets. It might sound silly but I need help in the morning time and since I’ve been away I have started to copy her this way: I make a coffee and I sit on the sofa. I bring my book and diary (mom has her computer) and surrounded by softness now, legs drawn—slowly—(from afar but together,) we wake… that’s one of the perks of having a sofa. I think they’re supposed to be for entertaining guests in the afternoon or watching TV at night but for me the sofa is a cradle for the morning. For other people like my stepdad (hey Russ) it’s the bath. The bath is Russell’s cradle of the morning. Russell is a writer and he says that’s where he gets most of his answers.
Now I’m going to tell you about one of my morning success stories.
I was at my dad’s and he had to leave quite early for work so he woke me up and I was quite, quote, “grumpy”—like I “always am in the morning” (?) and this I really dislike. I am not grumpy and if only you could see this you’d think twice before hurling huge steel concepts like “grumpy” at me, an unbaked cookie! But anyway, this time he really helped by putting something on Youtube on my phone for me to watch as I woke up,—a Noel Coward play no less (!) and then he left for work and told me to “just relax and keep watching it”… so I did... I stayed in bed for like 40 minutes and drank coffee and watched a Noel Coward play on Youtube and I couldn’t believe how good it felt, it was basically a miracle. And by the time I left the house I was in such good temperate spirits that I was listening to Disse Alguém on repeat in the hopes of learning Portuguese.
Ohh the morning.
The morning is infinitely interesting to me.
Anyways… i want to hear about your morning time (reply to this email !)
What is your morning secret?
Tilly x